


Affinity Fraud

by schweinsteiger



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1930s, Alternate Universe - Historical, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-10 23:55:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20536754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schweinsteiger/pseuds/schweinsteiger
Summary: In 1936 Mac and Charlie are a pair of questionably skilled con men who get more than they bargained for when they target two strange siblings aboard a train to Philadelphia.





	Affinity Fraud

**Author's Note:**

> The title doesn't mean much in relation to the story... I have my own meaning for it that works better but I really just used it because it sounds decent.

During their transaction the man at the ticket booth eyed Mac and Charlie with far too much disdain to be proper, and Mac had half a mind to find whoever was in charge of this bozo and complain. However, in doing so it would be too likely that they would miss their train, and neither Mac nor Charlie could afford any more tickets. Therefore Mac just gave his best glare as he handed over his last few dollars and grinned once he turned around, filling Charlie in on the effectiveness of his intimidation tactics. “That clown’ll remember me and think again next time he tries to look down on anybody like us.”

“I’d look down on us too if I were him,” Charlie replied, kicking a pebble in the direction of the train tracks.

Mac pinched the bridge of his nose. “Goddamnit Charlie, don’t say that.”

Charlie shrugged and walked over to pick up the pebble. Once back at Mac’s side he said, “We’re grifters.”

Mac’s eyes widened and he looked around in a panic. “Especially don’t say that, Charlie! Jesus!” If he didn’t know that the guy had been taught his lesson Mac would’ve sworn the ticket booth man had made a face as if to say ‘I knew it.’

Charlie waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it.” Then, despite his own words, he said in a far quieter voice, “We’re just not exactly on the up and up. People have the right to look down on us.”

Mac, giving up, sighed and pointed out the train in the distance. The two waited in silence and once the train arrived Charlie tossed the pebble at it.

Inside they found the first empty compartment they could, stored what little luggage they had, and discussed short cons to pull before the train’s arrival in Philadelphia. They had to do something, anything, considering that they’d just handed over all their cash to get the tickets. They decided on the wallet swindle. Even though it was somewhat of a crapshoot it was quick and relatively painless no matter the outcome.

So Mac left the compartment and walked down the aisle in search of the right mark. When he saw a sharply-dressed guy whining about his father to some woman, he smirked. The man seemed like he’d easily give in to Mac’s willpower but he also looked like he’d just stepped out of the Ritz, so he was somewhat of the ideal sucker. Mac headed towards his new mark with purpose in his step and slid past him, making sure to let his wallet go just as their bodies touched. He only had to walk a few steps more before he heard the welcome sound of “Sir, you dropped this” and could turn around.

The mark was holding out his wallet with a look on his face that almost made Mac want to take it, say thanks, and just keep walking. Instead he put on his best grateful smile and took the wallet before opening it and frowning. Part of the frown wasn’t fake, given that the sight of an empty wallet wasn’t either. The mark frowned back and Mac’s instinct to leave this guy alone kicked in again. His chest felt funny but he continued his act. “I had twenty bucks in here.”

The mark smiled. Mac felt overwhelmed. “And?” the mark asked.

“And now it’s empty,” Mac said. “Somebody must’ve took it.

“That’s true. I’m sorry about that.”

Now Mac was overwhelmed and frustrated. He collected himself and said “You handled my wallet last.”

The mark just kept smiling. “That I did.”

“Therefore,” Mac stated, “It wouldn’t be bats if I said you stole my money.”

The mark’s eyebrows raised just a bit but his smile remained. “I assure you I did no such thing.”

“My good sir!” a voice yelled. _Charlie_._ Charlie putting on a goddamn awful British accent_. If Mac hadn’t been such a good conman he would’ve strangled his partner then and there. “I do believe I saw you seize this dear fellow’s riches just a few moments ago!”

The mark looked at Charlie, looked at Mac, then laughed. Mac’s head hurt. “You did?” the mark asked.

“I certainly did, dear boy. My eyes watched as you ripped the green right out of this poor man's wallet.”

The mark laughed again then eyed Mac as he dug through his trouser pocket and pulled out a fifty dollar bill. “How can I argue with such an esteemed gentleman as a witness?” he asked as he grabbed Mac’s hand, placing the bill in it while smiling in a new way, just barely biting his bottom lip. “The change is for the trouble I’ve caused you. My deepest apologies… what is your name?”

Mac shoved the fifty in his wallet and wanted to feel accomplished but instead something felt wrong. “My name’s Mac.”

The mark grabbed Mac’s hand again and shook it. “My deepest apologies, Mac.” He turned to Charlie. “And your name?”

“Charles Kelly.”

The two shook hands as the mark said “Thank you for keeping me honest, Charles.” He then turned back to Mac. “Won’t you both join us? Drinks are on me. It’s the least I can do in hopes of your forgiveness.”

Mac looked at Charlie, who nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“Then come in,” the mark said, opening the compartment door. The lady he’d been whining to was sitting in the corner. “My name is Brian LeFevre.” He sat next to the lady and looked at her. “This is my sister.”

“Prudence,” she said, smiling far too much.

Charlie was quick to greet Prudence. “Hello dear lady! The name’s Charles Kelly. Might I say you look simply ravishing?”

“You certainly might!” She had an accent that Mac couldn’t place. It wasn’t at all similar to Brian’s. Prudence turned to Mac. “And you are?”

Mac sat down next to Charlie but not too close, careful not to rouse suspicion of friendship or even acquaintanceship. “I’m Mac,” he said.

“Well how do you do, Mac?” She was still smiling and the more she spoke the more bizarre her accent became. Mac noticed that Brian looked almost angry, for whatever reason.

“I’m alright.” Mac glanced at Brian, who stared back and stood up.

“I’ll head off for the drinks,” he said. “Mac, would you care to join me?”

Mac didn’t want to join him. Mac didn’t want to leave Charlie alone with Prudence. Mac didn’t want to be alone with Brian. “Okay.” Mac got up and followed Brian outside the compartment and towards the bar. When they got there Brian ordered four martinis. Even after giving away those fifty bucks he still had the cash to pay for them.

Brian leaned on the bar while they waited. “Where are you from, Mac?”

“Uh, nowhere you’d know.”

Brian grinned, took a martini that the bartender handed him, drank it, offered one to Mac, then ordered two more. Mac drank his, never one to pass up free alcohol no matter how suspicious the circumstances. “What do you do, Mac?” Brian asked, adding “You’re not… dolled up, so you must be a manual laborer, I assume.”

Mac looked at the bartender, who seemed like he was pretending not to listen, then at Brian, whose grin had become an awfully smug one. All Mac wanted to do was say ‘So’s your old man, I assume’ and teach this guy a lesson later on when there weren’t any witnesses, but he knew he shouldn’t. “Yes, I, uh, work in a factory. I mean I did. In Philadelphia I’ll be working in business.” It was a silly fabrication and Mac was counting on Brian to ask no follow-up questions, was counting on Brian to leave it at that and let him have his fake respectability.

Brian, it turned out, was a man that could be counted on. All he did was pat Mac’s shoulder and say “I give my best of luck to you, Mac.” He might have winked but Mac wasn’t sure.

“Thanks. Should we go back to the others?” Things would be safer with Charlie.

“Of course, of course.” They each grabbed two martinis and walked back. Inside the compartment Charlie and Prudence were having a conversation that stopped once the door opened. While handing him a martini, Mac gave an interrogating look Charlie, who shrugged just a little.

When all were sitting with drinks in hand, Brian raised his glass and everybody else followed. “To honesty!” he said. “To honesty!” they repeated. The martinis were gone in a matter of seconds.

“I must say thank you to my brother here,” Prudence started. “Without his thievery, which I often protest, we wouldn’t have met you fellows.”

“Well, you don’t often protest it, Prudence, given I don’t often thieve. In fact, I rarely thieve, just – ”

“I wouldn’t say rarely.”

Brian smiled but only with his mouth, not his eyes. His head jerked to the side. “I would say rarely, Prudence, and I don’t believe it’d be wise to take your word for anything, so…”

Mac and Charlie looked at each other. Brian shut his eyes, breathed in heavily, and said to them, “I do agree, though, that it was lucky we met you two.” For the second time, he might have winked but Mac wasn’t sure. The only thing Mac was sure of was that Brian didn’t actually steal anything from him, so he was confused to the point that he felt he needed Anacin to stop his impending headache.

“It was lucky, indeed,” Charlie said, as if he could tell Mac wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence.

Nobody spoke for a few moments afterwards until Brian asked Charlie where he came from, his voice sounding strangely uninterested compared to earlier at the bar.

“I was born in England, my dear chap,” Charlie said. Mac wanted to bury his head in his hands. Thankfully, Brian didn’t ask for any elaboration. Not even for a more specific location than England.

“Jolly good!” Prudence exclaimed, grinning wide. Charlie mirrored her giddiness but Brian rolled his eyes.

"Does anybody have the time?” Mac asked.

Brian pulled up his sleeve to reveal what appeared to be a very expensive wristwatch. “We should arrive in Philadelphia in a few minutes.”

Prudence looked at Brian, then at Mac. “You’re getting off in Philadelphia?”

“I am.”

“Prudence and I happen to be doing so as well,” Brian said, his eyes on Mac (a habit Mac was becoming used to).

“My new friend Charles already told me of his affairs in the city. What do you plan to do there?” Prudence asked Mac.

“I’m going into business,” Mac said, keeping his answer as brief as possible in order to move on to a topic that concerned him far more than his own fake plans. “What _are_ your affairs in Philadelphia, Charles?”

Charlie furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, as I told Prudence, I’ll be working as a lawyer.”

It wasn’t as bad an answer as Mac had expected, but it wasn’t a very good one either. Having never attended college, let alone law school, Charlie had none of the knowledge required to back his claims. Not that Mac did with his own claims, either.

“What business will you be working for, Mac?” Prudence asked.

As Mac struggled to think of any business he could, Brian interrupted with “Why don’t we keep it a surprise, Prudence? We’ll know if it’s for us he’s working in due time.”

Prudence raised her eyebrows. “Alright, Brian.” She turned to Mac. “I hope we’ll see you under our command in the near future.” She then put on what must’ve been her version of a silly voice (sillier than her natural one, that is) and pointed her thumb in Charlie’s direction, saying, “But I sure hope we don’t see this one any time soon.” She sat for a moment, waiting and grinning, until, upon no response from the others, she added, “Because he’s a lawyer. And that would mean we had a lawsuit on our hands.” Charlie finally laughed but Mac knew him well enough to distinguish his fake laughs from his real ones.

Brian smiled his superficial smile again and, placing his arm around Prudence, said “Please excuse my sister. She believes she’s a comedienne and forgets herself sometimes.” Prudence pushed Brian’s arm off and murmured something to him that Mac couldn’t hear, but by the look on Brian’s face it wasn’t flattering. Brian didn’t respond, though, instead commenting that they would be at 30th Street in any minute.

When the train stopped Mac got up and tried to leave, but Brian placed a firm hand on his shoulder and told him to stay just a moment. He ushered Prudence and Charlie out before beginning to speak. “Mac,” he said, one hand on the door and the other on Mac’s upper back. “I’m going to give you my address and telephone number. Call or visit any time; I know you’ll need help adjusting to your new life in Philadelphia.” Brian patted all the areas on his suit where there were pockets and finally found a pen in one of them. “I don’t have any paper. Do you mind if I write on your arm?”

“Yeah, uh, okay.” Mac swallowed as Brian grasped his arm and rolled up the sleeve of his worn-out sweater.

“I can really tell you worked manual labor,” Brian said offhandedly, slightly squeezing Mac’s bicep. Mac felt like he was blushing. It wasn’t often somebody acknowledged the effort he put into maintaining his physique, even if the person doing so believed it was honest work that kept him so fit.

“Yeah, it was very demanding,” Mac mused. A soft laugh escaped Brian’s lips as he wrote down an address and telephone number on Mac’s forearm then rolled his sleeve back down, rubbing his thumb a bit on the loose knitting before letting go completely. “Don’t let that smudge until you reach pen and paper.”

Mac nodded. He then waited a second before saying “I should be going now” and opening the compartment door, leaving Brian behind.

In the station Mac found Charlie and Prudence conversing together as though they were longtime friends. He interrupted them, placing a hand on Charlie’s back. “Charles, you don’t happen to be headed anywhere on the way to Pennsport, do you?” He pressed hard against Charlie’s shoulder.

“Uhhh… yes. I do happen to be.”

“Then why don’t we commute together?”

“I’d be delighted.”

Brian appeared behind Mac and sidled into the group. “Unfortunately, Prudence and I aren’t headed in that direction, so this must be farewell.”

Mac and Charlie gave their goodbyes to Brian and Prudence and started towards the exit. “Mac!” Brian called. “Don’t forget what’s on your arm!” Mac turned and waved to show that he heard.

“What’s that about?” Charlie asked, finally speaking in his own, American accent.

Mac rubbed the back of his neck. “Brian, uh, gave me his telephone number. And address. Wrote them on my arm.”

Charlie laughed. “You really know how to pick ‘em.”

Mac looked at Charlie and frowned. “What are you getting at, bub?”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “You’re a hell of a roper, is what I’m getting at. You bagged us a couple of grade-A chumps.” He paused. “Well, one grade-A chump.”

It was a compliment but Mac didn’t like it. “Yeah, yeah.”

* * *

Once in a room at the cheapest hotel they could find, Mac sighed and sat down on his bed, resting his face in his hands. After taking a minute to compose himself he turned to Charlie. “Why were you British?”

“These Mainliners are stuck on the British. The man wasn’t gonna call an Englishman a liar.”

“They’re stuck on high-class Brits, Charlie. You sounded like… uh…” Mac had to think for a second. “That screeching dame from _The Invisible Man_.”

“I sounded high-class. And I got us fifty dollars.”

“Whatever.”

A silence passed between them until Charlie spoke up. “You’re gonna call that guy, right? Because we can definitely get him again. Prudence told me about their business, and from what I learned the two aren’t on the level with the company’s earnings.”

“I don’t want to call him. Or visit him.” Mac thought for a second. “Besides, we don’t go for that kind of game.”

Charlie got up from his bed and sat next to Mac. He sounded excited. Too excited for his own good. “Now’s our chance to go for that kind of game. This is a damn rich family we’re dealing with. A damn rich family that we’ve both got an in with. Brian’s practically ready to move in with you, Mac. And Prudence trusts me.”

Mac felt mildly uncomfortable with the whole thing. Brian was easy to con. He was loose with his money and quick to use it as a means to avoid trouble. It all seemed perfect, and that’s what Mac didn’t trust. Mostly, though, he knew that feeling he’d felt before, when he wanted nothing but to give up on conning Brian and let him go, he knew that feeling would return twofold. But Mac was a good grifter so he had no choice but to at least consider this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. “What do you propose?”

Charlie grinned and huddled in close to Mac, conspiratory. As though he’d forgotten the two were alone. “So,” he started. “We each get close to a sibling. You and Brian, me and Prudence. They’ll confide in us and soon at least one of us will be told exactly how they’re scamming their father’s company. Did I mention their strained relationship with their father? Anyway, then we’ll tell them that we need cash if they want us to keep quiet. Classic badger game.”

Mac closed his eyes and breathed in deep. “I’ll call Brian.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I'm being very honest, I'm posting this as a way to force myself to finish it. So I don't have a planned update schedule. Never thought I'd see the day that I'd do this.


End file.
